


no need for stitches (lest it's an open wound)

by ruuinxs (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Sad Miya Atsumu, Sakusa cares, poor atsumu i love him, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:48:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ruuinxs
Summary: Atsumu starts to wonder if he really is enough.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 13
Kudos: 608





	no need for stitches (lest it's an open wound)

**Author's Note:**

> It's a sakuatsu vent angst fic that's it lmao but with fluff
> 
> Mentions of cheating/unloyalty so if it may trigger you please refrain from reading :))
> 
> (edit: reposting this realised there was a mistake so :’)))

He couldn’t shake the feeling. His chest felt empty, hallow, and the back of his eyes prickled and stung. Watching Sakusa smiling- it was weird. Not entirely unbelievable, but unexpected.

He knew Sakusa wasn’t social. He knew his boyfriend didn’t enjoy physical touch, or the idea, or any of it. But watching as he _hugged_ his friend ‘Ushijima-san,’ smiling under his mask, Atsumu felt a pang of hurt shoot through his heart.

He respected Kiyoomi’s boundaries. He never touched him without asking, he always cleaned up after himself and took care of his boyfriend any way that he could. He loved him, for god’s sake.

And after three years, Sakusa still had boundaries with them cuddling while sleeping.

And after three years, Atsumu _understood,_ and he stayed.

He respected.

He cared.

He turned around, walking back towards his car as he stared off into nowhere.

How could he do it so easily? A friend he’d known for a while over his boyfriend of three years? Atsumu banged his head against the steering wheel, eyes suddenly widening as another thought came to mind.

What if he wasn’t enough?

What if Sakusa simply lied to him, and just genuinely didn’t like Atsumu’s affection. Sakusa didn’t _want_ Atsumu’s affection.

He started the engine quickly, and pulled out of the parking lot, ignoring his phone ringing in his pocket.

-

“Atsumu, I’m going to bed. Are you coming soon?”

Atsumu continued his reps, replying with a simple shake of his head and tightening his muscles further.

“Alright, goodnight. I love you.”

Atsumu shut his eyes at the words, and he stopped his exercise in enough time to watch the taller male step into their bedroom. He sat on his floor for a minute, thoughts racing back to his high school years.

***

“Hmmm, Tsumu-chan?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Aren’t you bored yet?”

Atsumu looked over to his boyfriend who was dangling his feet in the air while lying on his stomach.

“I mean, yeah, but if I don’t study, I’ll fail,” he easily replied with a laugh and shake of his head.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant, doll. I mean, us. I’m getting pretty tired, y’know?”

Atsumu paused his writing, meeting Oikawa’s eyes, and his heart dropped.

“…What?”

“You know! It was fun while it lasted, but, honestly, I’m ready to drop it. You’re starting to get too serious for me.”

“Too.. _serious?”_

“Yeah! It was fun and games while it lasted, I guess. Hope you can find someone else, but it’s the end.”

“Wait, wait! But I- I love ya! I.. I care about you! Don’t ya… feel the same way about me? Don’t you love me?”

“You thought I meant that? You’re hilarious, Tsumu-chan!”

Atsumu’s vision went blurry.

“Get out.”

“Eh?”

“GET OUT! RIGHT NOW!”

***

Atsumu blinked himself out of his mind, suddenly feeling weak, disregarding his workout gear completely. He went to the bathroom, quickly washing his face before entering his room and changing.

He couldn’t tell if the man lying in bed was awake or not, so he tried to be quiet as possible while slipping under the covers. He reached for Sakusa, but pulled his hand back before he could touch him, eyes stinging again. He sniffled silently, pulling his clenched fist tightly to his chest.

“Atsumu?” Sakusa groggily called out, and the blonde shoved his hand over his mouth to hush himself before his boyfriend realized he was crying. The man next to him shuffled awkwardly under the sheets until he was facing Atsumu.

  
“Baby?” Sakusa hesitantly asked, concerned etched into his tone. And Atsumu noticed, that even as he was sobbing to himself, his boyfriend watching, he didn’t receive any form of physical comfort. He usually didn’t mind. Usually.

But now, when he needed it the most, his breath escaped his lungs, and he curled into himself.

“Babe? Atsumu, look at me? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” he heard, the words a bit more rushed than before, and he subconsciously reached out towards Sakusa’s chest.

The male under his finger tips flinched for a moment, and he quickly pulled away.

“I- I’m.. sorry,” he choked out, but suddenly he felt a hand on his back and next thing he knew, his face was smothered into the smell of lavender laundry detergent and coconut shampoo.

He inhaled deeply, trying to calm down his breaths as he focused on the hand on his back rubbing circles into his skin, soft and slow.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again.

“Don’t be. It’s okay. I’m here. Talk to me.”

He hiccuped to himself before trying to gather enough breath and courage.

“I…”

“It’s okay, take your time.”

He dropped his forehead to his boyfriend’s chest, tears slowly dripping off his cheeks and into the mattress.

“Am I enough?” he barely breathed out, Sakusa pulling away from him instantaneously.

“Are you _what?”_

“Am I enough. Am I a good enough boyfriend? Am I so repulsive that ya have to hesitate to hold my hand? I respect yer boundaries but watching ya hug that Ushijima guy so easily, so _comfortably_ it made me wonder. What does he have that I don’t? Why won’t you ever.. show that you really love me? Unless you’re lying about it.”

Atsumu instantly regretted it, trying to suck the words out of the air and into his mind again, but it was too late. Sakusa probably was going to admit it, say ‘You caught me, I don’t like you anym-‘

“Atsumu. I love you. With all my heart. I.. I don’t know why I struggle with expressing it. I’m not used to it. I don’t want to overwhelm you or maybe do something wrong because I’m not used to it, and with Ushijima-san, we’ve agreed on proper greetings and comfortable conversations, but it’s so 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘺 to do that with you because- I don’t know what you’re okay with, and I don’t want to say something wrong or make you say something you don’t want to; really anything like that. We just need to.. communicate more.”

Atsumu didn’t respond.

“Can you look at me?”

Sakusa met a pair of puffy, red eyes.

“I’m sorry for fucking up. We can talk. You can talk, I’ll listen and do anything you want. Just please know that I love you.”

Atsumu sniffled loudly this time, and he tightly hugged his arms around his boyfriend, nodding into his neck before removing himself from the skin.

“Please let me kiss you,” he croaked out, and the second Sakusa nodded, he pressed their lips together harshly, but not painfully.

He focused on it, the sensation of his lips against Sakusa’s, a sensation he only felt rarely, and he inhaled sharply through his nose.

It was okay.

Sakusa loved him.

It was going to be okay.

He had to believe it.


End file.
